The Facts About Mike Bloomberg

• Mike once dropped so much money in a beggar’s cup that the beggar dislocated his shoulder.
• Mike took a seat on a bus once and his wallet fell out of his pocket and the bus tipped over.
• If Mike ran a store, instead of one of those little containers near the register filled with pennies, he'd have one filled with hundred dollar bills.
• A pickpocket once got a hernia trying to lift Mike's wallet.
• Mike's allergies have been acting up. Poor guy's allergic to gold dust.
• If a bank had a choice of being held up or having Mike Bloomberg make a withdrawal, it would choose being held up.
• Mike has his own private ATM . . . there's a wheelbarrow to haul away the cash.
• Mike went into the bank to make a withdrawal and the entire bank had a panic attack.
• Mike's bank account has just been designated the eighth wonder of the world.
• Mike's idea of a white sale is to go shopping wearing his white tux and tails.
• Mike's idea of dabbling in real estate is to buy and sell Donald Trump.
• If a fortune teller told Mike the planets were not in the proper alignment, he'd just pay to have them realigned.
• Mike had such a good year he had to have his money belt let out.
• Mike's got a money belt equipped with two security guards.
• Mike doesn't travel much. If he wants to see the Eiffel Tower, for instance, he just sends for it.
• You can always spot Mike on the golf course . . . he's the one with the chauffeur driven golf cart.
• When Mike Bloomberg took his driver's test, he sat in the back seat and his chauffeur sat behind the wheel.
• No Jehovah’s Witnesses ever knock at Mike's door . . . they can't make it across the moat.
• Mike Bloomberg's tax return is a thousand pages long . . . and that's just Volume I.
• One good thing about having a mayor who's a billionaire . . . if it rains the Yankees can just go to Bloomberg's townhouse and play ball in his game room.
• You can tell the mayor of New York is a billionaire . . . the parking meters charge a thousand dollars for each fifteen minutes.
• You can tell Mike is getting older . . . he’s developing money bags under his eyes.
• Mike needs a stretch limo . . . not for the leg room, but to haul around bags of money.
• Most kids ran after the ice cream truck. Little Mike ran after the Brinks truck.
• Even though he's mayor, Bloomberg is not pretentious. He sits in a cubicle like everyone else . . . but his cubicle has a Jacuzzi.
• Mike loves vacationing in Bermuda . . . gives him a chance to wear his elevator sandals.
• Mike wouldn't go over his credit card limit if he charged the solar system.
• When Mike goes to Las Vegas he plays the quarter million dollar slots.
• Mike would pay his bills online but he can't find a line big enough.
• When Mike writes a check it takes him an hour on average to fill in the dollar amount.
• Mike Bloomberg gives out houses as house-warming presents.
• Bloomberg has taken his anti-smoking campaign a step further…he's outlawed smoked salmon.
• Hizzoner not only wears elevator shoes, but elevator socks.
• Mike's got a platinum Metro card.
• Bloomberg has so much money that Lotto wants to play him.
• Mike exercises by bench pressing his wallet.
• In the interest of security, Mike has a bullet-proof wallet.
• Whenever Mike factors in a tip, he always rounds up to the next billion.
• Mike's got gold fillings in teeth that don't even have any cavities.
• Bloomberg is never short of cash. Of course, he's got an ATM in his car.
• The mayor even flies his own helicopter . . . around City Hall.
• Mike flies his own plane . . . it’s a stretch 7666666667.
• If Bloomberg ever quit paying taxes the Treasury Department would have to put a "For Rent" sign.
• Mike put so much money on his Metro card he could ride to the moon and back.
• Mike was a great student. And industrious. When his SAT scores hit 1600, he sold.
• Mike has so many women chasing him he had to take out gold digger's insurance.
• Bloomberg's townhouse is so big the front parlor has its own subway stop.
• Mike's home is so fully staffed that even the cook has a valet.
• When Mike sends out for Chinese food he has it flown in from Shanghai.
• Bloomberg was so smart in school that he tutored the teachers.
• Mike wears elevator shoes manufactured by Gucci and Otis.
• The Mayor dines out in such pricey restaurants that he needs a forklift to pick up the check.
• Mike's first piggy bank died from being overfed.
• Most kids have a coin collection . . . little Mike had a certificate of deposit collection.
• When Bloomberg heard the median income in the U.S. was $48,000 a year he was surprised . . . he thought it was that much a day.
• When the Mayor can't make up his mind he doesn't flip a coin . . . he flips a bank.
• Bloomberg has an I.O.U. from Fort Knox.
• The Mayor plays his own version of Monopoly . . . he's buying up Madison Avenue, Park Avenue, Lexington Avenue, Fifth Avenue . . . .
• To patch up a quarrel with his girlfriend, Mike Bloomberg sent her a dozen Rolls Royces.
• Mike Bloomberg has a heart of gold . . . and a liver, and a pancreas, and a spleen.
• Bloomberg earned his money the old-fashioned way... he sold Wall Street.
• Hizzoner doesn't bother to wear lifts in his shoes... he just has the floor raised.
• Bloomberg bought his girlfriend a trinket that's out of this world... Mars.
• The mayor could resolve the sub-prime mortgage mess with his lunch money.
• Bloomberg cut the Northern hemisphere out of his will.
• Bloomberg just raised the Vatican's rent so high the Pope has to get a part-time job.
• When Bloomberg speaks, E.F. Hutton listens.
• Michael Bloomberg already has an oval office... in the back of his limousine.
• The mayor could write a check and the bank would bounce.
• Bloomberg uses a stick and carrot managerial style. He pokes you with a stick, and if you perform well he gives you a 24-karat gold piece of jewelry.

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